Seriously buddy you suck at sales – you need a copywriter

Damn my face, damn it to hell. For some reason, it keeps looking happy. It’s been a curse I’ve lived with for years. It seems anywhere I go, my face screams, ‘I’m a friendly chick, yes please talk to me and tell me all your issues’. Hey, at times I don’t mind, but when I’m shopping – give me space.

Have you noticed how many sales people are now in major (and some not so major shopping centres)? Some are so well set up that they have their own little shop. And sometimes it’s a trap – it’s not an obvious sales table (that you can slink past) so you walk past with your head held high, smiling away and then bam – a sales person appears in your personal space.

And I have considered walking around with a hula hoop around my waist to encourage these sales people to learn what personal space means but…

If you aren’t in ‘real sales’ don’t mess with a copywriter when she’s minding her own business

Shopping is my downtime. The one time I can get out of my house, away from technology and not be bugged. I like to switch my brain out of stress mode and into, woohoo, you’ve worked hard to earn those killer pair of heels – let’s go and get them.

Happily shopping with my daughter one Friday night, we were walking along chatting and laughing when this happened:

A sleazy little salesman comes out of nowhere handing me moisturiser…

‘Here’s some of our hydrating moisturiser for you and your sister’.

‘Dude, if you think she’s my sister, I clearly don’t need your crappy moisturiser’. He laughs like I was joking.

He believes it’s ok to pick up my hand…

‘Wow, your nails are amazing, are they all natural?’

‘Yeah dude, they’re all mine and all natural. But I’m sure my fiancé wouldn’t appreciate you holding my hand’. Again, he laughs like I’m joking and turns to his store to grab ‘nail product’ to show me (while keeping a firm grip on my hand).

‘Wow, you just said my nails were amazing, yet you still want to sell me products. You need real help with your sales pitch. You obviously don’t understand your market and you have no idea of your product or how to sell it. Perhaps cosmetics isn’t for you? Now, I’d love for you to unhand me as I’m having a fun shopping trip with my daughter. Bye’. He let go of my hand and we left him a tad gobsmacked.

I mean seriously – know your audience and get your sales pitch right or you’ll piss people off. If you think I’m youthful, I don’t need moisturiser. If you think my nails are amazing, I don’t need your nail product. It was the total wrong angle for the product and the market (me).

Perhaps a line like, ‘Are you interested in trying an all-natural moisturiser that’s free from sulphur and allergens’ would have gained my attention. Or, ‘You both look like you know a thing or two about looking after yourselves so can I take a moment to show you our amazing natural products that suit all ages?’

And to the other guy in Wonthaggi who tried to stop me with, ‘Hey, you look friendly’, I do apologise for snapping back, ‘I’m not’ as I wasn’t in the mood to politely turn you down. You were right though; I do look too damn friendly.

So, copywriters of the world, if you’re looking for a potential target market – consider these shopping centre sales guys.

They are often dumped into the job with no sales background or training. Perhaps approaching the heads of these companies to run training days for their shopping centre sales could be the next major thing.

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